The role we play in our own “demise”
Responsibility & fault are similar, but very very different…
After speaking with a close friend of mine this weekend, I had a bit of an epiphany. It’s something we all “know”, but often forget to practice & live by when shit hits the fan.
The last 5wks of my life have been a very difficult 5wks, to say the least.
I’m not getting into the details here, but in grossly simplified terms; I got “Steve Jobbed” out of my own company, and saw it crumble & collapse in the space of 4wks. Something that took almost 2yrs to build, 2yrs of dedication, effort, sacrifice & camaraderie all down the toilet.
Everything the team put in, the shares everyone was promised, the money that was put in, all gone…Adios…Au Revoir…Sionara..
I personally (and I say this not for sympathy, but for clarity on the situation) did not draw a wage the entire time, lived off savings, borrowed money & credit cards to ensure the company had a buffer in resources, and am now not at square one, but on square “minus millions” because I have no company, no cash & a shitload of personal debt.
Awesome.
SO…after 4wks of an absolute emotional & mental roller coaster, filled with arguments, complaining, negotiations, and feelings ranging from wanting to kill everyone to wanting to make peace, I’ve come out on the other end, genuinely peaceful.
I’ve been here before. I’ve lost everything before. I know that shit happens & although for the last 4wks I have been convinced that “this time around I was betrayed (insert image of Julius Ceasar here) & it was not my fault”, after the conversation I had with my good friend last night, I realise I was and AM responsible for everything that happened.
WTF?? Huh???
Let me pre-frame it with this:
There is a difference between being “directly” at fault for something happening, with the intent for it to occur; or being indirectly responsible because you did not either (a) do better to avoid it, (b) make wiser decisions earlier on, {c} had more experience or a better skillset, (d) the list goes on.
If I as a CEO had made wiser decisions, earlier on about which investors I brought on, what control was given up, what political influence was allowed to creep into the company, what promises I made about targets we had, if I understood the moving market we were in better, if I had stuck by certain decisions, not made others, etc, etc — the chain of events may have resulted in another destination or outcome (maybe, maybe not — I’m not a fuken fortune teller — but you get the point).
Yes there were things “outside” of my control, that I had little or no influence over, and yes some of those “things” had a major impact on the resulting demise of the company, BUT, if I am 100% honest with myself, there is a link between what I had influence over & what I had no influence over. And it’s at that causal point where we can discover the role we have to play in all of our situations & circumstances.
As you begin to understand this, you begin to see how inextricably linked everything is, and you begin to realise you actually have no control over anything — all you have is influence; and that influence is where your responsibility lies.
You might say; “well fuck — how do I know if I do ‘x’ that it will result in ‘y’ down the track? I don’t have a crystal ball”.
Welcome to life…
Good Judgement is often the result of Experience. Experience is often the result of Bad Judgement.
That circular reference is something I’ve found to be true, and the only way you can begin to influence it inline with your desired destination is by accepting responsibility of the decisions & outcomes along the way.
It’s one of the most powerful & liberating things you can do.
Now again, I will reiterate; fault & responsibility are similar, but they’re essence is different.
Fault is disempowering. It comes from the same place inside you that sympathy, being a victim & pity come from. It’s fucking useless because it doesn’t help you to become better, or if it does help you reflect, it does not give you the impetus to get the fuck up again & do something about it.
Responsibility on the other hand is recognising that you have (and always have had) a role to play in just about everything that happens in your life. Everything is linked in some way, shape or form. There is a precedent to everything you’re doing & if you recognise that, you can wake up & respond to it.
So…this was supposed to be a shorter write up — but hey, I got carried away (as usual). I’ll end it here:
Life is one crazy ass roller coaster. One moment you’re up, the next moment it’s all falling down around you. You can either blame others, you can blame yourself, you can curl up & wanna die, you can give up, OR….you can grow some balls or a vagina (vagina’s being much tougher than balls), take responsibility for where things are at, learn something (in fact, that’s the only way to actually learn something) and get on with it.
There’s way too much complaining in this world — and I’d say most of it comes from the western world, where in reality we have jack fucking shit to complain about.
I’m out!!
